He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
