Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
