the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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