Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize