I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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