Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
