i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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