I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
