bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
