im drinking this country out of the recession.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
