Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
