Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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