ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've blown a few things in my day
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
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He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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