i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
