I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
