Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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