It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
