4 words: hood of his car
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
