So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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