i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize