I want to walk on stilts...naked
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
