What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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