i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
