I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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