Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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