Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
