You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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