Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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