I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
