so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
