Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
