this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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