i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
