I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
