After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
