I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
