I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i permit you to call me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
