I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
