here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i think my cat just said my name.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
