it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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