those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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