I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
