Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
