I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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