I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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