I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
