Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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