Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
