He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
