And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
