then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
