i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
