Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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