She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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