forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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