i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize