hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize