Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to fling myself into the sun
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
