cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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