Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
