he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im part way to drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
