Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
