update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
