You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
