2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
