i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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