Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
